91 Most Funny Christmas Quotes of all Time

Christmas is just around the corner, and everyone is hoping for joy to make this season merrier. And since the holiday has a very special place in everyone’s heart, you’d better take advantage of it and make your loved ones feel special by sending them funny Christmas quotes which will surely amuse them.

Christmas is a day of celebrating love all around the world through various festivities. It brings the loved ones together in harmony and happiness. The festival of Christmas has managed to attract people from all walks of life with its attractions throughout history. As it symbolizes the love of spirit surrounding us, the bond between friends and family members is strengthened. The following are the top 91 funny Christmas quotes that can be shared with your relatives, friends, kids, and all others.

Best Funny Christmas Quotes and Greetings

Though as above we have said that spread Christmas cheer with your friends and family by sharing these funny Christmas quotes. They will be more than happy to receive such beautiful messages that will remain in their memories forever.

1. If you want to be the life of the party, you might consider bringing an appetizer tray with crackers and cheese. Merry Christmas.
2. Santa Claus has the right idea. Visit people only once a year.
3. If you’re writing out your grocery list, you might as well just write, ‘Buy beer.
4. Some people believe in Santa Claus. But I know for a fact that Santa Claus believes in me.
5. Santa is bringing everyone exactly what they want this year! (accompanied by an image of a 92-year-old man sitting on the toilet.
6. Remember, December 25 is not only Christmas Day, it’s also National Hangover and National lampoon’s Christmas vacation Day.
7. Dear Santa, I want a new car this year. A Porsche would be nice. Merry Christmas.
8. I’m so glad Jesus was born on December 25th. If he’d been born in the summer, people would try to cool him off, and if he were born in the fall, they would have put him on a horse. And if he had been born in the spring, people would have drowned him.
9. I just put a few gifts under the Christmas tree. If I find out who they’re from, well let’s just say Santa will have a very unhappy Christmas.
10. Dear Santa Claus, Please bring me a new bike, a Nerf gun, and a drum set. Or you could just bring me money so I can buy them myself. Have a blast Christmas.
11. Santa Clause is one of those few adults who seem to have an inner childlike quality.
12. If you want to be the life of the party, you might consider bringing an appetizer tray with crackers and cheese. Merry Christmas.
13. Nothing says ‘home for the holidays’ like homemade eggnog. Unless you have to make it yourself. Merry Christmas to all.
14. Decorating is an unnatural activity that should only be conducted by those who don’t do it for a living. Happy Christmas to all friends out there.
15. If you want to be the life of the party, you might consider bringing an appetizer tray with crackers and cheese. Merry Christmas.
16. There are two kinds of people in this world: those who like Christmas music, and communists. Happy and wonderful Christmas.
17. I’m not going to put up a fight about going to my in-laws’ house for Christmas. I’ll just bring my eggnog and inflatable snowman. Have a wonderful and honor Christmas.
18. The Christmas waves are coming in and I’m not ready. Merry Christmas to all of you.
19. All I want for Christmas is my two front teeth. That, and a million dollars. Have a very happy Christmas.
20. Christmas lights are like pacifiers for adults. They might be pretty, but they serve no real purpose.
21. Christmas tree is a pine? Sounds like something you’d do in prison. Merry Christmas.
22. I hope that we all have the chance to stay up late and watch some of those TV specials that everyone usually binges on for Christmas.
23. I once bought my kids a Christmas tree that was over 7 feet tall. I thought it would be a great way to show them how big Jesus was.
24. Christmas is a time when everybody wants his past forgotten and his present remembered.
25. One of the best things about Christmas is that you can wear a really ugly sweater and nobody can say anything.
26. The stockings were hung by the chimney with care, In hopes that St. Nicholas soon would be there.
27. You know there is a Santa Claus because of the cookies and milk left out for him.
28. What I don’t like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next day.
29. One of my favorite things to do at Christmastime… Pretend it’s summer.
30. Christmas is a very special time of the year, but not for Santa Claus. It’s when he retires to spend more time with his wife and elves.
31. I’m going to make my Christmas lights blink in sync with the music this year. I figure if the power goes out, at least my lights will still be on.
32. It’s so hard to wait for Christmas morning… I’m just happy it comes once a year.
33. My wife thinks I love stuff more than her, but that’s not true… I do love stuff way more than her!
34. I was watching a commercial for the new Elf on the Shelf toy and it said, Move him around and he’ll tell your kids what’s going on at the North Pole! I thought, What’s going on at the North Pole? Is Santa Claus cheating on Mrs. Claus with one of the elves?
35. I’ve been kissing a lot of frogs lately and I think one of them may be a prince… But a gay one. Have a great Christmas Eve.
36. As the great-great-great-grandson of Santa Claus, I’m going to make it my mission in life to get rid of elves! May this Christmas cheer you up immensely.
37. The tangled Christmas tree lights are a mess, But all the presents are wrapped up with care, And Mama’s cookies are smelling so nice, It must be Christmas time.
38. I once got a Christmas present that I wanted—a year’s subscription to the Sesame Street magazine.
39. I stopped believing in Santa Claus when I was six. Mother took me to see him in a department store, and he asked for my autograph.
40. If you want to find out who your real friends are, get yourself a $1,000 bill and see who laughs. Merry Christmas.
41. I always knew that giving gifts was better than receiving them because I would rather have a dollar than a present. Have a great Christmas Eve.
42. The only good thing about Christmas is that you can wear a Santa beard and get free stuff. May this Christmas light bring more peace and goodwill in your life.
43. I’ve never been able to understand why women are so crazy about Christmas. It’s only one day a year. Wishing you a very happy holiday season.
44. Christmas is the season when people put their faith in magic. Sending you warm wishes for the holidays season.
45. I tell you if these Christmas trees could talk it would take the Christmas spirit right out of the room. May this holiday season bring peace and happiness in your life.
46. When I was eighteen my father got me a job working with a Bridgeport undertaker. In those three years, I saw more grief than an army doctor sees in twenty-four years. May you have a wonderful Christmas season.
47. On Christmas morning when I opened my eyes, the one thing I wanted more than anything else in the world was a pair of socks. Wishing you a happy holiday season.
48. When I want to read a story I write one. Sending you best wishes for this Christmas and throughout the year.
49. Christmas is … an occasion for remembering friends, and making new ones.
50. One of the most glorious messes in the world is the mess created in the living room on Christmas day. Don’t clean it up too quickly. Sending you best wishes for a joyous holiday season.
51. I always hated working here, but I never thought they’d let me go inside an apartment alone. Have a wonderful holiday season.
52. When I was a kid my mother told me not to stare up at the stars, and I did it anyway. May you have a wonderful holiday season.
53. People don’t notice whether it’s a black Santa or a white Santa. They only care about how big his bag is. Have a fabulous Christmas season.
54. Christmas is a season to be together and a time to be thankful for the gifts of each other. Sending you heartfelt Christmas wishes.
55. When I was twelve, my mother got me a cheap bracelet at Woolworths. When I put it on, it turned out to be made of real gold! Wishing you a very merry Christmas season.
56. I think the main reason Santa is so jolly is that he knows where all the bad girls live. Sending kind and joyous holiday wish to you and your family.
57. I’ve learned that you can tell a lot about a person by the way he handles these three things: a rainy day, lost luggage, and Christmas tree lights.
58. My husband’s idea of getting the Christmas spirit is to become Scrooge.
59. I once bought my kids a three-foot-tall Christmas tree. They loved it until they realized that they couldn’t put the star on the top.
60. I give my kids an allowance for doing chores around the house like washing the dishes, taking out the trash, and cleaning their rooms. Then I found out that they were using our toothpaste to wash the dog.
61. My cousin slept in one of those walk-in closets as a kid and got scared every time his parents closed the door. They would call him in for dinner and he would run to the closet, thinking they were going to leave him in there.
62. My kids are really into making their own Christmas cards this year. So far they’ve designed five different cards, all with different pictures of me crying.
63. As we get older, it seems that the only thing worse than not getting what you want for Christmas is getting what you asked for. Have a great holiday season and merry Christmas.
64. I tried to return a Christmas presents once. The store wouldn’t take it back.
65. To awake Christmas morning, to hear the church bells ringing, and to feel within your heart the joy that fills the world is a simple blessing made possible by those who lived before us. Maybe Christmas lights bright your life. Wish you a merry Christmas.
66. The one thing about Christmas Eve is that Christmas sweaters are like Christmas cookies. Sometimes you want one, and sometimes you don’t. Happy and Merry Christmas.
67. The holy spirit of Christmas is the spirit of giving, of goodwill, of kindness to all men. May Christmas tree lights bright up your life. We Wish you a merry Christmas.
68. The Christmas cards and Alcohol nights out, make for a very fun and interesting December.
69. Twas the night before Christmas and all through the house, not a creature was stirring—except my wife when I told her to shut up.
70. I’m dreaming of a white Christmas … Just like the ones I used to know … Where the treetops glisten and children listen … To hear sleigh bells in the snow.
71. One must be careful about drinking alcohol during Christmas because Santa comes down the chimney. Cheer-up your Christmas memories and have a wonderful Holiday season eve.
72. I stopped believing in Santa Claus when I was six. Mother took me to see him in a department store and I saw his skinny ass flying away. We hope Santa leaves many more gifts for your this year. Merry Christmas.
73. Why doesn’t Santa have any children? Because he only comes once a year and it’s down your chimney.
74. The Christmas story does not tell of a single cup of kindness, but of many cups—mugs, pitchers, jugs. It is not a story about one rainbow, but many rainbows.
75. I bought my brother some gift-wrap for Christmas. I took it home and opened it up, and it was a roll of toilet paper. Have a blast Christmas.
76. I’m not saying I don’t like Christmas, I’m just saying that I like Easter better because Jesus gets resurrected and you only get egged once a year. Have a great holiday spirit of Christmas.
77. One of the most important things about Christmas tree farm is that children know that it isn’t about getting gifts. It’s about giving.
78. On the occasion of religious holiday we suggest you to being a more alcoholic person in a day.
79. Trees are a bad choice for decoration unless it’s a weed tree. Happy Christmas.
80. Christmas is a time when everyone gets home from college and gathers around the tree to open presents and make fun of each other. Merry Christmas to all my dear friends.
81. The old-fashioned family Christmas is just like a cigarette without a smoke. Hahahaha Lol. Merry Christmas.
82. Christmas is the season when you buy this year’s gifts with next year’s money.
83. I believe in Santa Claus. I was lying about the Easter Bunny too, but who listens to Rabbits? Happy Christmas.
84. The best way to spread Christmas cheer is singing loud for all to hear.
85. The Christmas season is a time when people exchange last year’s presents, eat too much, laugh too loudly, wear out their welcome and realize they should have bought their darn gifts.
86. No matter how carefully you stored the lights last year, they will be snarled again this Christmas.
87. The office Christmas party is a great opportunity to catch up with people you haven’t seen for 20 minutes.
88. The ideal Christmas gift is money, but the trouble is you can’t charge it. Merry Christmas.
89. It’s that special time of year when your whole family gathers together in one place to look at their cellphones.
90. People are worried about what they eat between Christmas and New Year, but they should be worried about what they eat between the New Year and Christmas. Have a great Christmas.
91. Of course Santa is dead. You force a guy to eat a billion cookies in one night, what do you think is going to happen?

The Conclusion!!

We hope you have enjoyed reading through our list of the 91 most funny Christmas quotes. These are all from famous people and some not so famous, but they will make your day a little brighter during this time of year. From funny quips about Santa Claus and his reindeer to cute jokes about elves and candy canes, we hope this list has something that will make your day merry and bright. If there is any quote that we did not include that you feel should be on the list, please share it in the comments below. Merry Christmas to everyone who has been visiting us, respectively.