The relationships between mothers and daughters are among the most complicated and potent human bonds. Mothers who love their daughters do so with a ferocity that can be difficult to understand. And yet, many mothers and daughters experience conflict, tension, or distance because they have unequal power, different expectations for one another, or incompatible personalities.
How do I Heal My Relationship Between Mother and Daughter?
1. Learn to Agree
When you and your mother have fundamental disagreements you cannot resolve by talking, the best solution is to agree not to talk. Sometimes, this might mean avoiding contact for some time or engaging in other less-direct methods of communication. Ask your mother about areas where she feels you disagree and then try to express those differences in ways you both can understand. It might mean writing down how you feel or finding a way to ask her if she understands your point of view.
2. Treat Each Other with Respect
Because emotions often get triggered when mothers and daughters disagree, it is helpful to think about how you treat each other as individuals while your mother is around. Because your mother is part of your family, you might worry about making her angry or hurting her feelings. But if you do not treat each other respectfully, you will likely hurt one another. Eventually, you will fight and, in a worst-case scenario, even stop communicating with one another.
3. Have online therapy
Mother-Daughter relationships are complex because often, the mother has had a rough life herself and can’t always accept how she is treating her daughter or how she’s not treating her. One great way to address this is to get psychological help and mother and daughter therapy from a professional therapist. Although you may feel like you’ve done all the hard work, sometimes that’s not enough. A professional can make changes that you couldn’t easily make for yourself.
Because there are so many ways mothers and daughters can feel distant or resentful toward each other, improving your relationship with your mother can be challenging. Try to improve the relationship between mother and daughter by making an effort to accept differences between the two of you, treat each other with respect, learn how to communicate in a manner that is positive for both of you, and focus on what you have in common.
4. Focus on What You Have in Common
No matter how different you are from your mother, you likely have many things in common. No matter what age you are, there is a good chance that both of you share some interests or hobbies and practical or emotional support for one another. If you focus on what you have in common, you will be inspired and motivated to continue a relationship that may have previously felt weak or distant.
5. Be Grateful
If the relationship between mother and daughter is going well, you should feel grateful. Count your blessings, express your appreciation to one another, and be sure to show each other how much you care. The best way to improve your relationship with your mother is to appreciate one another as often as possible.
6. Keep in Touch
Communication is a significant part of any relationship, including relationships between mothers and daughters. When you communicate with your mother regularly, it will be easier for you to find common ground to build a successful future. If you are the one who initiates communication with your mother, work to make sure that it feels natural and easy. If you do not initiate contact, be sure to express appreciation for the time your mother takes to spend face-to-face.
7. Celebrate the Good Times
If you have experienced a period of good relationships between mother and daughter, then it is essential to be sure to celebrate that. It is easy to get caught up in the future or worry about what could happen, but it is a good idea not to forget those times when things got better.
8. Approach One Another with Courage
In relationships, courage often means taking risks and doing something you are unsure whether will work out. These are the times when we can learn something new or gain some insight into ourselves. If you approach your mother with courage, then both of you will be able to have conversations about what has been difficult for either of you in the past and how one resolved that time. Sometimes, we can work through our challenges if we approach one another with a bit of courage.
9. Keep Informed about One Another’s Lives
If your mother is going through significant changes in her life, it will be vital for you to keep informed about what is happening. If she is moving, changing her job, getting married, or having a child, then you should make an effort to stay up-to-date on what’s going on. These are also good times for reaching out to offer support and assistance if it is needed.
10. Keep It Real
For your relationship with your mother to continue over time, it will be essential to be honest with each other while also being kind. Your mother deserves your honesty, and you deserve to be treated with kindness. The best way to keep it real is to keep in touch, take risks, remember the good times, and celebrate that which is positive.
11. Appreciate What You Have Right Now
Mother-daughter relationships can be a source of tension or conflict as well as strength and support. It can be easy to get caught up in what happened or might happen in the future and forget about the present. Mother and daughter relationships are ongoing events that change over time; it is essential not to miss what you have right now because a better relationship is never guaranteed.
12. Do Not Judge One Another
If you judge your mother, she will likely judge you in return. It can be a vicious cycle that is hard to break. Instead of judging your mother, try to focus on what has caused one of you to feel angry or disappointed and work together to find a solution to the problem.
13. Accept Your Differences
The only way that you can improve the relationship between mother and daughter is to accept that there are differences between the two of you. Some differences are based on gender roles that were in place when you were growing up; others may be more personality-based and likely to shift over time as your personalities evolve. Some differences may result from your mother’s experiences and influences during her life, and other differences are just a matter of opinion. It is important to remember that neither you nor your mother will ever be exactly like each other and that this is okay.
